The Twilight Saga… GTFO… Bitch.
OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG!!!! Eclipse is coming out in less than 2 days!! Gahhh… No just kidding. I am not at all impressed with the franchise, and I take no joy in the fact that the third movie in the installment is being whored out when the second movie just came out less than a year ago.
But now to be fair… I too was a fan of the movies not so long ago, when I was only but a wee lad… Okay maybe not so long ago, it was back when the first movie came out and the books were still of importance. I remember downloading all the trailers and all the TV spots, just so I could gawk at Robert Pattinson and his brooding ways. I even went as far as to buy the soundtrack to the movie.. It wasn’t even that good.. and HELLO… we live in the 21st century where I could have downloaded that shit! I also remember when my brother, Vince wrote a note on Facebook about the movie, and though I agreed… I still defended that shitacious train wreck.
Now that I look back at it… I feel like a fool in love with the idea of a brooding pedophile fighting the urge to drain the blood of your your living body. Like the signs were all there… a woman director… a low budget to start… raw actors and actresses with little to no skills… Kristen Stewart and her constant lip biting and need to always raise one eyebrow when she speaks…the color of the film, WTF was up with the film? everyone looked like they were a bit blue and under some major fluorescent lighting… This isn’t Avatar for God sakes., we don’t need anymore blue people in the world
The Twilight novels Vs. The Twilight movies.
Now, here is where I jump in to defend the Twilight novels… Seeing as how they are fictitious novels they are written so that you could imagine all aspects of the scenarios. Such as Edward Cullen being a sparkly fag in the meadow. Now, it sounds nice and cute and beautiful in the novels and in out girly delicate minds.. but when we see it on the big screen… it is just the words most laugh worthy thing… EVER. Also, reading about how Edward is struggling to not mutilate Bella’s throat.. yeah it translates WAYYY better in text than it does in the movies. In the movies Edward just looks constipated… like he is due for a really good shit… All in all… about the novels.. they are a good read… not the best most intelligent reading a person should be doing, but it isn’t completely bad… My verdict on which team I am on.. team Jacob or team Edward… well that’s a no brain-er there… Twilight: I was team Edward (Cause he was the “hero” to the story, and we got to know him through the eyes of the heroine… Bella.. in which she made him out to be a friggin’ god, and we get to fall in love with them ourselves.) In New Moon: I was team Jacob again for the same reason. In Eclipse: I was team… both of you shut the fuck up and kill each other, you annoying pricks. In the last book Breaking Dawn: I was team.. thank god this is the last novel, you’re ruining the series with your terrible ideas!! Vampires don’t have sperms anymore!! If you are dead and have no blood flow you can’t get it up!! JESUS CHRIST!!
The movies… The first movie… the trailers made Robert Pattinson look good.. the movie made him look like a creeper who needed to grow a pair… and get some sun.. and stop wearing lip stick… not so cute on a guy. Well the second movie just made me need to change my pants… a lot… not because it scared me shitless… but because Taylor Lautner was ripped as hell. It even helped that he took off his god awful woman’s hair and rocked a nice manly hair cut. But the second movie was pretty much awesome because of his rock hard abs and his delicious arms. If I were a vampire I’d like to suck more than just his blood ;). It also didn’t suck as much because the color quality was 20 times better, and the acting was much more solid. Also, what is up with them trying to whore out the rest of the movies? Okay we get it!! You want to milk the cow while there is still a huge ass hype… but give us a break, enough Twilight!! The excuse is that they want to actors and actresses who play the vampires to look ageless and beautiful… But that sounds like a shit load of baloney to me… NOT IMPRESSED.
I will none the less go see the remaining movies because I have read all the books and I have seen the first two movies… I can’t not see the third one.. that would be like having quadruplets.. and only taking home two of them… that would be very sad :( I will also buy the DVDs because, again I have the first two.. I will probably never watch them again but it goes well with my books :D BTW I have yet to watch both DVDs since bough it :)
Sayōnara,
Fionn <3
